That’s it! I’m installing a TMI buzzer at my desk!  

As “pc” as our culture has become, you’d think people would know better. Apparently there are still some that haven’t received the memo. I’ll have to type it up in large, bold, red letters and staple it to their foreheads (again!).

Dear Colleagues – Shut your pie holes! 

No one wants to hear the graphic details of what you witnessed during your wife’s c-section. (You’d be sleeping on the couch if she knew you were sharing that).

We have no interest in what the doctor said during your vasectomy. (Glad to know you can no longer reproduce though).

We are sorry to hear your son was hurt bicycling, but there is no need to share the extent of his road-rash. (He’d hate you for sharing the details of his groin injury too).

We know women have monthly cycles – we NEVER want to know how bad you’re cramping or how heavy things are. Never Ever. Ever.

In case you you are still unclear, please see the attached list for topics that are off limits….

Remember, this is the workplace – not poker night, or your AA group, or your family reunion. Keep your details to yourself. If you feel the urge to share – don’t! 

Sincerely – those of us trying to scrub the visuals from our brains.

TMI/Inappropriate Work Place Topics: anything involving blood, bodily fluids, bodily injuries, close family members or friends in agonizing or embarassing situations, any part of the anatomy not to be exposed in public, foul smells, bodily dysfunction, anything involving you being stuck in bathroom for hours, any type of surgery or procedure to any area for you or anyone else you may ever know, graphic portrayals of sports injuries, descriptions of female monthly cycles and related issues (at or during any part of said cycle), or any situation that can be featured in an episode of Ridiculousness or Tales for the ER.

Now I understand that sometimes you want to share with your work-place buddies; you think the story is funny (sometimes it really is), or you need sympathy for the pain you are/were in.  Fine…but do it behind closed doors or at least keep your volume level to a minimum. Don’t take your discussion to the kitchen, or the bathroom, and definitely don’t have it on speakerphone.  Remember, cubicles are not private – they only prevent you from seeing the faces of disgust everyone is making around you.

Just say no to TMI! Sound the alarm as needed, smack the perpetrator if you have to, but please, for the love of little kittens everywhere and the sake of all our sanities – stop the madness!